“Dis-eased, hacking, reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer and sneezing at the truth about The Jewish Question.”

I wept. As I was reading, the tears burned while they filled the wound; a memory of terror, injustice and sorrow that never seems to fully heal. A scrapbook with rancid images that my Jewish relatives would share in hushed stories during my childhood visits to New York. How could a monster like Adolf Hitler happen? Why?

Lynn, Bentley and I recently escaped to one of Lynn’s favorite places for Spring Break; Green Turtle Bay in Kentucky. (NOTE: If you think teachers have it easy, go ahead and spend a week with eighteen 9-year-olds and let me know if (a) you are still speaking in multiple syllables and (b) you have not been cited for child abuse.) No television, phone calls, or the typical at-home distractions that keep us from using our address as an at-home attraction. She is recovering from a lousy bout of the croup; that nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so you can’t rest crap…that she has lovingly decided to share with me. I awoke this morning with a full frontal hack attack, along with the commensurate etc, etc, etc.

I spent the better part of the day reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas. Not of the Vince Flynn political thriller variety, I was challenged and found it essential reading for this Israelite, Hebrew and Messianic Jew trying to make sense of our world; a world frantically struggling for its human and spiritual survival. The book’s subtitle, A Righteous Gentile vs. The Third Reich, captures the sobering and inspiring story of one man’s stand “for God’s sake.” Bonhoeffer is mostly recognized as a participant in the failed assassination plot of Adolph Hitler, the story captured in the 2008 film Valkyrie; this event would subsequently lead to his execution. The book is an in-depth account of Bonhoeffer’s journey of faith, as well as his search for the meaning of the church and justice during the most turbid days in modern times. His Germany would become the backdrop to a holocaust, the remnants of which are still felt and expressed today, like an appalling run-on sentence regarding man’s inhumanity to man.

It has now been two weeks since our Kentucky getaway, and the germs from Chapter 10 are still feeding my current dis-ease: The Church and the Jewish Question. The previous pages are filled with reflections of Bonhoeffer’s personal growth in faith and his sense of justice, juxtaposed against a setting of political upheaval for the rebirth of nationalism in Germany. From a family known for its fairly conservative worldview, Dietrich benefitted from the Bonhoeffers’ tendency toward exhaustive research, considering all aspects of an issue to discern its most virtuous implications. Dietrich was deeply troubled as to the role of the church in response to Hitler’s blossoming support; support that would eventually lead to the eradication of any spiritual thought or sociological perspective opposing his definition of “Aryan” German nationalism. The majority of Germany’s church leaders would eventually take the position of Hitler’s regime. The Jews were the ideal culprits to blame for all of Germany’s ailments and would become the target of Hitler’s insidious wrath; his ultimate solution to The Jewish Question. Bonhoeffer agonized over the deeper issue of how Hitler’s policies affected the meaning of “God’s people” and “God’s church”; the very core of what he had come to believe and teach throughout Europe, America and other parts of the world. Bonhoeffer finally came to realize he must risk everything, including his own life, to take a stand.

By April of 1933, Hitler’s edicts were widely implemented, orchestrated by the inflammatory misinformation of Joseph Goebbels, Reich Minister of Propaganda. Especially catalytic to the new breed of young German nationalists, the new rules removed Jews from every aspect of German society: government, medicine, law, arts, academia, business; even the German church became off limits. The following passage brought it home, beginning with this quote from Bonhoeffer about excluding Jews from German churches:

“A state which includes within itself a terrorized church has lost its most faithful servant.”

Bonhoeffer went on to say that to ‘confess Christ’ meant to do so to Jews as well as to Gentiles. He declared it vital for the church to bring the Messiah of the Jews to the Jewish people. If Hitler’s laws were adopted, this would be impossible. His dramatic and somewhat shocking conclusion was that not only should the church allow Jews to be a part of the church, but that this was precisely the church’s identity: the place where Jews and Germans stand together. “What is at stake,“ he said, ”is by no means the question whether our German members of congregations can still tolerate church fellowship with the Jews. It is rather the task of Christian preaching to say: here is the church, where Jew and German stand together under the Word of God; here is the proof whether a church is still the church or not.”

I came to know the calling towards my Hebraic + Messianic path in April of 2001. I like to think that, like Dietrich Bonhoeffer, my insatiable hunger for reading God’s Word, historical references, and other studies are about expressing my life in all the ways I can through righteousness, justice and faith in God: my Yahweh. In these short years, I have seen God’s glorious sheen in the reflection of like-minded men and women who are protagonists in the narrative; my heroes. And, just as it was a mere seventy-eight years ago, there are still dark ministers of propaganda all around us yearning to stockpile and burn the books of innovation, reason and diversity just like the Nazis in Berlin of 1933 in fear of the God of Israel. Just like the Babylonians who destroyed the temple in fear of the God of Israel. Just like the Pharisees and Saducees who crucified Jesus in fear of the God of Israel. Just like the false prophets who today, under the disguise of Christianity, righteously strive to rid their congregations of anyone who does not fit their “religious-tic” edict in fear of the God of Israel.

I have no idea how I would have responded to dilemmas of righteousness, justice and faith confronting so many people during Bonhoeffer’s times. And I struggle every day in a muddy hypocrisy of my own, trying to respond to the daily challenges to righteousness, justice and faith.

Ahhhhhhh….

I am dis-eased having witnessed an evangelical leader compare Presbyterians to Islamic terrorists.

Ahhhhhhh….

I am dis-eased having witnessed churches inviting everyone through their doors, and then suggesting to the homosexual couple that they might find another place of worship more welcoming.

Ahhhhhhh….

I am dis-eased having witnessed people arguing about what God’s Word says about this or that issue, when most Christians have never read God’s Word from cover to cover.

AhhhhhhhhCHTUNG!

God bless you.

In the embrace of the brackets – (b)

*If you want to learn more about my story and more stories between the brackets, visit the (b) in parenthesis column: click www.HImpact.me or www.binparenthesis.blogspot.com.

"It's unlikely that I will make apologetics for my actions."

What’s the chance that world hunger is erradicated by the end of the day? Unlikely.

What's the chance that world peace is realized by 2012? Unlikely.

What’s the chance that the Messiah has already arrived? Unlikely.

What’s the chance that millions of people are reading this right now? Unlikely.

We arguably live in a time when we allow things that can happen and that are happening to be defined by the most unlikely influences:

• Republican or Democrat
• Wikipedia or Wikileaks
• X, Y or Z blog
• Fox News or CNN
• Glenn Beck or Wolf Blitzer
• Old or New Testament
• Nachos or quinoa

So, whom should you believe? A little unlikely history might offer illumination to the “idiocy” we should assign to believing anyone. Imagine that:

You are a Jew living in Egypt under the harsh rule of Pharaoh during the 400^th year of enslavement. An old guy in a threadbare robe, carrying a gnarled wooden walking stick, sporting a white beard and stuttering, rumored to be a murderer, stumbles into the community. It’s the end of another typical day of molding and schlepping bricks, heat exhaustion, lashings and general humiliation. He delivers the following news, while a satisfying camel dung fire crackles in the distance.

“Here’s the deal: I just had a chat with a flaming shrub the other day that told me he was God, and I am glad to give you the good nnnnnnnews; I have been chosen tttttttto rescue you from captivity. That’s right, we’re going to walk out of here and take a long walk to our own land. Yyyyyyyep, being that we are God’s chosen people (something about a deal he made with some distant relative of mine, Abe something-or-other), he’s locked up some property on the other side of the desert and we’ll bbbbbbe manufacturing and distributing organic milk and honey products to make a living. So, I am going to ask Pharaoh to let you go, and he’ll gggggo for it.

Now for the bad news: as you can tell I have a bbbbbbbit of a speech impediment, I’m very old, can barely walk with these corns, I have no idea what I am going to say when I talk to Pharaoh, I’ll have to repeat my sales pitch numerous times, there’s going to be some really lousy plagues and I am cccccclueless as to why I have to carry this really heavy stick everywhere that I go.

Oh, and did I tell you that once we get to the new neighborhood, we’re going to have to defeat some really tttttall enemies and other tribes who currently own the land?”

If you were there at that time, would you have gleefully rushed to your tent to gather your matzos and get ready to hit the sand? Unlikely.

Now, fast forward +/- a few thousand years to somewhere in the “promised land” the Israelites would actually inherit. There’s a new rabbi in town that’s stirring up the dust, flipping over tables by the temple and breaking bread with hookers, thieves, lawyers and lepers. This rabbi-rouser named Jesus is from Nazareth, and we all know that there’s nothing good about anything that comes from that town. He’s claiming that he is God’s only son, performing some pretty cool tricks and is conducting free healing clinics with a dozen guys, most of whom smell like fish. Even though you’re convinced he’s been smoking too much myrrh, you have to admit that he’s gathering throngs of people everywhere he goes, AND there’s endless supplies of free bread and fish served for lunch.

The local Pharisees and Sadducees are up in robes about this guy who has the audacity to claim that you can experience all of God’s love and every blessing under the chuppah (a Hebrew canopy); all you have to do is accept that He is who He says He is, say you’re sorry for your donkey sack full of screw-up’s, love each other like he is loving you and follow him towards a new way of living by grace. You’ve just heard him describe this all in detail with some attitude from atop a beautiful mount. Even though you’ve heard that the other rabbis and “sees” were using every trick in the Torah to prove him a heretic, you have to admit you are stoked about what sounds like some really good news.

And then it happens. Jesus walks past your house and knocks at the front door. You answer, amazed to have the man of the hour himself address you with the following offer:

“If you will follow me, I promise you the boundless gifts of heaven here on earth, and then eternal life in the glory of God, my Father. All you have to do is give everything you own away to poor people and hungry little kids, forget your family, leave home without any food or provisions, walk endless miles to places in which you’d never be caught dead, share this good news about me and my Father. You need to love everyone you meet unconditionally while being scorned, chased, flogged, abandoned, shipwrecked, imprisoned, stoned and finally hanged, beheaded or crucified. And, you have to leave with me right now. Are you in?”

If you were there at that time, would you have gleefully rushed out the door and walked in the dust from his sandals? Unlikely.

What about today? Right now? Would you believe him? Would you go? Unlikely.

Here’s what’s likely:

• We go to work every day, many of us disliking what we do.
• We go to our places of worship, listen to gifted teachers, hurt when we hear stories of suffering, praise God for our blessings, tithe sometimes, and then walk past the destitute person asking for change or the man on the corner with a sign reading, “Fallen on hard times. Homeless. Needing any help. God bless.”
• We spend countless hours complaining and arguing about the political situation in Washington, contribute to the candidate du jour and say nothing to the young man or woman in uniform sitting next to you on the plane to thank them for fighting and dying for freedom in the world.
• We say that we believe in the gospels of the Old and New Testament, but 93% of us have never read the books from cover to cover.
• We are all broken, scared sinners and people who are starving to be seen, known and loved.

I make no apologies for the fact that I am no better than anyone else who is struggling with the ways to be the best version of myself. And, I have come to know for sure that I am desperately in need of grace and that I am the unlikeliest candidate to receive the gifts of love from a loving God who continues to love me just the way I am.

If the rabbi-rousing messiah knocked on my door today and made me the offer, I’d hesitate. And, I am glad that He keeps knocking. What about you?

Knock, knock.

In the embrace of the brackets – (b)

"We are saved, finally."

As testimonial to the positive impact of the Internet, and its invaluable re-shaping of many behaviors that (heretofore unknown to us due to our unconnected existence) will undoubtedly improve the human condition and extend our life span, I offer for your consideration (NOTE: sent to me by email today):

As we move into the last quarter of this year - I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

• I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
• Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
• I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
• I must also send my special thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
• ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
• I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
• I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
• I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
• I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
• I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
• Thanks to all of you have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
• Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
• I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.
  
• I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
• I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
• Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites me.
• And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up a Penny dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a molester waiting to grab me as I bend down to pick it up.
• I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.
• I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
• If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin's best friend’s beautician . . .
  

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

In the embrace of the (sterilized) brackets - (b)

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

“I have depression.”

My father died ten years ago in Dallas at eighty-two-years old. He passed from this life after three months in the hospital, triggered by congenital heart failure. He suffered from a septic coma for the last few weeks, kept alive on a cacophony of machines. Even with his eyes open, he did not react to any sort of visual or vocal stimulation. When his eyes followed your movement, they were like a camera lens without film; vacant, expressionless. The doctors said that any of his mild movements were “likely” neurological responses only. After a lot of council, reflection and prayer, we agreed to move him into hospice and removed all the connections. I received the call from my brother two days later around two o’clock in the morning that he had passed. He said that his heart failed.

My father suffered from depression. His heart failed.

Two years after my father’s death, during a session with my counselor Jim, there I am ranting about an incident involving a client and their lack of appreciating the value I brought to their organization. “I am so damn frustrated with having to constantly explain what I do and why my process is essential to achieving their stated goals. And it always seems to happen just about the time when they are on the verge of breakthrough momentum.” Characteristically (and tremendously annoying), Jim sat there in his comfy tobacco leather chair nodding in rhythm with my staccato complaints.

“And the major thing is that I’m beginning to think that I am becoming my father; that everything I try turns to shit.”

Having stated my carefully rehearsed case, I caught my breath and eased back into the couch. I eagerly awaited some nugget of reassurance that I was fine and that, in fact, they were the ones not taking the time to fully embrace my special gifting and selfless commitment to their success. Their loss. Their stupidity.

After a long pause, sans nodding, Jim responded. “So Brian, am I right that you recently committed your life to faith; that you have broadened your Hebraic roots and are embracing Christianity?”

“Well, umm, yes I have. Why do you ask?”

Without further clarification, he continued. “And would you say that you are a blessed man?”

“Absolutely. Yes, I am.”

Jim nodded like a relief pitcher acknowledging the catcher’s signal for the “3 and 2” pitch to close out the game, and sent the hardball screaming across home plate. “So, how does a bless man behave?”

I responded elegantly with, “Huh?”

Expressionless, and with increased emphasis he repeated the question, “How does a blessed man behave?”

STRIKE THREE; YOU’RE OUT!

If you have ever wondered what it must feel like to be a deer caught in the headlights of an approaching car, wonder no more. Not only now paralyzed from his comment, Jim actually aimed the car directly towards me, sped up and sent me into orbit upon impact.

“If you were really a blessed man you would likely find another way to deal with this situation other than whining, complaining and acting like a spoiled teenager who just got teased by some other kids.”

Nice, huh? But, he was only getting warmed up.

“Here’s the deal. Your father had depression. He wasn’t depression. It’s one of the many ambiguities in life. Like diabetes, you have it; you have the choice whether to “partner” with it and treat it, or you can let it devastate you. Your father chose to let his depression define him, it ultimately destroyed him. Does that make sense to you?”

“Yes.”

Leaning forward slightly he continued. “You are not your father. God gave you a gift of depression. Given this ambiguity, you now have the choice to partner with it or you can let it define you. What do you choose?”

My mind swirled and I suddenly pictured myself as a shabby horse on a carousel; chipped paint, nicked and scarred from countless riders but going round and round nonetheless.

“Brian, one of the challenges being a man of faith is surrendering to God’s will for your life, or choosing to believe that you are victim to the circumstances that are laid in your path…and that somehow if you’ll just complain enough you can have power over the outcome. Your behavior does not sound like that of a blessed man. So, I ask you again, what do you choose?”

________________________________________

It is now eight years since my meeting with Jim. I chose to partner with my depression that day, and that decision characterizes how my life is playing out; serving others by giving away my gifts, so that I can give my gifts a way to really matter. All it took was a little shock therapy from Jim, and a lot of faith in God.

Given the choice of being upbeat or depressed, I’ll choose depression every time.

In the embrace of the brackets - (b)

"I just learned that farting at the dinner table is OK."

I attended a men's retreat last weekend and came away gaining some new truths about manhood. The weekend involved:

• 86 guys gorging on 24/7 snacks;
• 86 guys bundled as roommates in an inharmonious symphony of snoring;
  
• 86 guys playing selected guy games: dodge ball, sumo suit wrestling, human Foosball and a variety of fantasy role playing board games;
• 86 guys singing together praising God;
• 86 guys grappling with the concept of Grace;
  
• 86 guys sharing stories of life, faith and what it means to me a man.

During the closing session we were invited to stand up and share important takeaways from the weekend and, transparently and vulnerably, to ask for personal support and prayer from the fellow warriors. That's when one guy shared the following:

"I was glad to learn from one of my fellow sojourners that it is acceptable for men to fart at the table during meals."

So, whether this is a fact endorsed by the Society of Social Etiquette and Good Manners it gave me pause. What's the deal with guys' obsessive expressions about odoriferous gas, toilet moments and other body parts? Granted, I admit that the famous campfire fart tournament scene in Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles is an all-time favorite and that I can't resist sharing a good burst of tasteless humor with the guys. Still, there must be something more with this natural event than meets the senses. Some research into the gaseous matter reveals accepted cultural uses in language, such as:

• "I was just farting around." (nothing serious)
  
• "Oops, I just had a brain fart." (forgot something)
  
• "Hey soldier, roll up your fart sack and move out." (sleeping bag)
  

So, if it is such a common and seemingly nontoxic expression, why then do we avoid it with responses like:

• "Timmy, did you just have a fluff?" (why a pillow reference?)
  
• "Wow, that guy just let loose a raspberry." (come on, fruit?)
  
• "OK, who let fluffy off the chain?" (animal bondage?)

Farts have been elegantly used in literature by such greats as Chaucer, Ernest Hemingway and Jonathan Swift...and DID NOT even make the cut for the late, great comedian George Carlin's famous list of Seven Dirty Words.

In summary: Language is rich with meaning, expression and emotion. Language uses words to create dialogue and enhance human interaction. God created man. He gave us a sense of humor to help cope with all the serious stuff life puts in our path. I take being a man, life and my path of faith seriously... and I have a gas any time I get to poke fun at how we tend to make too much about things that are really nothing more than a lot of hot air. So, go ahead, let it rip.

But what do I know; I'm just an old fart.

In the embrace of the brackets - (b)

*If you'd like to read more of my personal expressions... visit www.HImpact.me.

"My New Year Revolution: 'This happiness thing is over-rated.'"

To my male readers: You are likely anatomically familiar with the shrinking feeling and effect on our bodies when we jump into cold water, right?

To my female readers: You are likely familiar with the (generally) caveman-like behavior of the male species, so you can probably imagine the aforementioned effect, right?

(Hold that thought.)

This is exactly how I felt during a recent plunge with my counselor-therapist-coach-mental antagonist, Jim. On the backside of a separation and subsequent divorce from my 25-year marriage, I had returned to Nashville. I had lived in Minneapolis as a part of my solitude. In no way meaning to minimize the wounds associated with this profound loss, I was blessed by the men, women, books, writing and reflection time I had to process and grow through this tumultuous season of change. And, for first time I can remember since my post-teen years I was feeling “happy” as the cumulative effect from:

· Living alone for four years and finding I actually liked myself;

· Getting out of seemingly insurmountable debt;

· Purchasing a car by myself;

· Purchasing a condominium by myself;

· Traveling globally and experiencing “God Sightings” in the mission field;

· Rebuilding damaged relationships;

· Building new relationships;

· Writing three books.

· Starting this column

Jim began our meeting with the characteristic question I hoped he would ask.

“So, how are you doing, Brian?”

I felt my chest puff up and my feathers spread open with majestic flourish. I took a deep breath, allowing my peacock smile to amplify.

“Jim, I am so thrilled to tell you that I have never been happier in my entire life.”

There it was. I had finally crossed a decade-old therapeutic battlefield and was still standing. Scarred, muddied and shrapnel ridden, but nonetheless blissful. I had made it to the other side of what had felt like an endless battle and was reporting “mission accomplished” to my commanding officer, feeling triumphant. Jim delivered his response without pause.

“This happiness thing is over-rated.”

Splash. Brr. Shrivel.

Jim allowed just enough time for the icy impact of his statement to eradicate any semblance of my ecstasy before continuing.

“You see, essentially there is not a lot of difference between the extremes of happiness and sadness. Both are temporary. They come. They go.” A chilling pause allowed adequate penetration of this mental enema. “Might I suggest another word that might be more appropriate for what you are feeling? How about ‘content?’ Contentment acknowledges the presence and fleeting qualities of happiness, sadness, joy and despair; however, it gives you healthy context in which to embrace life’s ambiguities.”

Curious, I consulted the dictionary:

con•tent [kuhn-tent]

Adjective:

1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

I am content with that.

On October 20, 2010, I exchanged covenants of love and life with Lynn while standing in the Sea of Galilee in Israel. In the five years we have come to know each other, we have shared countless conversations about life, love, brokenness, grace and commitment. I have struggled with these issues all my adult life. Don Henley’s song, “For My Wedding” says it all:

"For my wedding, I will dress in black
And never again will I look back
Ah, my dark angels we must part
For I've made a sanctuary of my heart

To want what I have
To take what I'm given with grace
For this I pray
On my wedding day

For my wedding, I don't want violins
Or sentimental songs about thick and thin
I want a moment of silence and a moment of prayer
For the love we'll need to make it in the world out there

To want what I have
To take what I'm given with grace
For this I pray
On my wedding day
On my wedding day

I dream, and my dreams are all glory and light
That's what I've wanted for my life
And if it hasn't always been that way
Well, I can dream and I can pray
On my wedding day

So what makes us any different from all the others
Who have tried and failed before us
Maybe nothing, maybe nothing at all
But I pray we're the lucky ones; I pray we never fall

To want what we have
To take what we're given with grace
For these things I pray
On my wedding day
On my wedding day"

Want what you have.

Take what you're given with grace.

For these things let’s pray.

Content New Year.

Embraced by the brackets -

(b)

PS – Thanks, Jim.

"I'm suffering from constipation."

I have a case of writer's block. I'm clogged, cramped and uncomfortable.

Sure, you might say that moving to write this column entry is evidence to the contrary, however hear me out. I have not posted an entry since August 7, when I had just returned from a weekend of silence at the Abby of Gesthemani in Kentucky (see previous entry). To confirm my suspicion, I sought the bastion of all knowledge: the Wizard of Wiki:

For other uses, see Writer's block (disambiguation).

"Writer's block is a condition, associated with writing as a profession, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task at hand. At the other extreme, some "blocked" writers have been unable to work for years on end, and some have even abandoned their careers. It can manifest as the affected writer viewing their work as inferior or unsuitable, when in fact it could be the opposite."

No question; I have it. The cause? Hard to diagnose, since the last months have been filled with fodder for inklings, including:
- My son and his wife are having a second child in April;
- I visited Oregon to celebrate my grandson Utah's first birthday;
- I am working to raise awareness and funding for Rocketown, the remarkable Nashville youth center started in 1994 by the renown contemporary Christian music artist Michael W. Smith - www.rocketown.com ;
- I finished writing my book about innovative leadership and high impact success, Get Out of Your Own Way;
- I committed the rest of my life to Lynn, an amazing woman with whom I exchanged marriage vows while standing in the Sea of Galilee during our 10-day biblical study a month ago in Israel.
- Lynn and I were busted for attempting to smuggle a contraband salami at the Newark airport customs upon our return trip from Israel (story to follow soon!).

There's plenty to write about, but I just can't seem to get unstuck. The pipes are jammed tight with scraps of discontent, doubt, indecision and even a bit of, "Oh crap, I'll be sixty years old in April and I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up." A lot of ambiguities. But, this morning something happened that stirred some internal movement; the first signs of an impending disambiguation (great word, disambiguation, meaning "to remove ambiguities").

I was moved while sitting on the...chair in my study. I was reading a wonderful book, Live Like You Mean It, written by my dear friend and mentor T.J. Addington. I met T.J. during a most tumultuous time in my life, when I was close to separatiing from my former wife, Valerie, and the "doom loop" spiral in which I was caught emotionally, professionally and spiritually. He was a client, the leader of the international mission for a Christian movement of 1400 churches and over 500 missionaries throughout the world. I helped him successfully re-craft the story of what became ReachGlobal. The bonus for me has been 1) the chance to travel the world to experience firsthand what we came to refer as GodSightings: evidence of the hand of God and His love at work through people throughout the world in some of its darkest corners, 2) working alongside healthy leaders building healthy environments and 3) to call him a colleague, mentor and one of my most treasured friends.

On December 4, 2007 T.J. checked into the St. Paul Hospital emergency room, having awaken early that morning unable to breathe. That began a forty-two-day stay, thirty-two of them spent in ICU and eighteen days in coma. Diagnosed with MRSA pneumonia, there were countless physical traumas when the doctors were almost certain he would not survive. T.J. is today as busy as ever traveling the world to serve God's call to develop, empower and release healthy leaders that will multiply in building healthy churches. He also finds time to write books, fly fish and spend time with his family. His life is testimony to the power of prayer (hundreds of people worldwide prayed for him during his journey "there and back again")...and what I have come to realize is the power of "if you feel it, do it, now!" One of my favorite passages from this book on this subject (the book's a must read for anyone needing a kick start) reads:

"As individuals, we often live life without much of a target. We respond to the demands of the moment, the job, the expectations of others, and the overwhelming busyness of life. But too many people get to the finish line with a long list of regrets.

We realize we didn't invest enough time in our children or marriage. We're sorry we did not have more time for deep relationships. We wish there had been more time for reflection and thinking. Now there is too little time for those things that suddenly are more important than the salary we pulled down or the ladder we climbed."

So what? I just returned yesterday from a weekend of silence during my second visit to the Abbey of Gesthemani. I guess you might say I was there because I woke up early one morning and couldn't breathe. In the sanctuary of chanting monks, steeple chimes and the snow-icing covered hills of Kentucky I checked out of the ICU: I Can Un-Constipate.

Write on.

Embraced in the brackets - (b)

"Quiet, please. Monks the word."

"Quiet, please. Monks the word."

I just returned from a weekend of silence among the Trappist monks at the monastery of Abbey at Gesthemani in Trappist, Kentucky. It was an item on my ‘bucket list.’ The unfamiliar path that opened before me, as Robert Frost so aptly stated, has made all the difference. It began even before I arrived, having found the card Lynn had hidden with the following:


“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16

It felt intrusive injecting myself into the personal silence and stories of those who walked these holy grounds before me. Still, I leaned into the anticipation of whispers I might discern through reading, reflection and prayer; the melodies of the solitary. I offer two quotes, some images of my walk in solitude and my heartfelt wish for you to take the time…to find the time…to visit the silence…to surrender into its arms.

"Have you ever tried to spend a whole hour doing nothing but listening to the voice that dwells deep in your heart? When there is no radio to listen to, no TV to watch, no book to read, no person to talk to, no project to finish, no phone call to make, how does that make you feel? Often it does no more than make us so aware of how much there still is to do that we haven't yet done that we decide to leave the fearful silence and go back to work! It is not easy to enter into the silence and reach beyond the many boisterous and demanding voices of our world and to discover the small intimate voice saying: 'You are my Beloved Child, on you my favor rests.' Still, if we dare to embrace our solitude and befriend our silence, we will come to know that voice. I do not want to suggest to you that one day you will hear that voice with your bodily ears. I am not speaking about a hallucinatory voice, but about a voice that can be heard by the ear of faith, the ear of the inner heart." Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen

How can I hear with different ears and see with different eyes?

"A man knows when he has found his vocation when he stops thinking about how to live and begins to live. Thus, if one is called to be a solitary, he will stop wondering how he is to live and start living peacefully only when he is in solitude. But if one is not called to a solitary life, the more he is alone the more will he worry about living and forget to live. When we are not living up to our true vocation, thought deadens our life, or substitutes itself for life, or gives in to life so that our life drowns out our thinking and stifles the voice of conscience. When we find our vocation - thought and life are one." Thoughts in Silence, Thomas Merton

The more I discover my own face, I discover the face of God. That's God's original plan. There's no way to DO IT because you already ARE IT. Humans do not know what they are doing; every other creature is just doing what they are.

There’s a lot to be said about nothing.

In the embrace of the brackets - (b)

“Put your life where your mouth is;
add a shmear of better.”

• DO THINGS BETTER
• DO BETTER THINGS
• BETTER DO THINGS

Three words. Three sentences. Three meanings.

• Three Men: I moved back to Nashville last October and in the last twenty-four hours reconnected with two men I have known, and who know each other, for almost twenty years and with whom I had lost connection for almost ten years. Facebook made it possible. -- DO THINGS BETTER.

• Three Strands: In just a few moments of texting and exchanged "wassup" inquiries it became clear that each of them had recently become separated from their respective spouses and were going the process of redefining their lives. Knowing that I had also gone through the deserts of separation and divorce, I felt that this “coincidence” was an invitation to weave our (strung out) lives together and share our stories. Besides, “…a chord of three strands is not quickly broken.”Ecclesiastes 4:12 -- DO BETTER THINGS.

• Three Chances: There’s something pretty cool about “threes.” There’s the Three Bears, Three Amigos, Three Wise Men, 3 Dog Night (yes, I am dating myself), Three Tenors, Three Musketeers and those timeless sages, the Three Stooges. Feeling mostly related to the latter of the list, I know that if I hold off and wait till I have some spare time to gather the three of us together, the Stooges will have become the wise men, the Dogs will have been spayed and the Musketeers’ blades will be dull. I will have to create the margin for a part time commitment, if it really matters enough. – BETTER DO THINGS

TAKEAWAY:

1. There are more ways than ever to reach out and touch someone.
2. We are not alone in our blunders, pain and resolve to be better versions of ourselves.
3. Reassembling the broken pieces of our lives is a team sport.
4. Time is never given; it must be taken.
5. There is strength in threes. Remember Abraham, Isaac and Jacob? What about the Trinity?
6. From between the brackets.

From between the brackets -
(b)

"One man's trash, is everyone's treasure."

I can hardly believe how long it's been since I've added to my column. Even though I somehow missed the uproar of cries for more writings from my loyal readers, I have not been idle during the pause. I have followed my call (it was actually a "collect" call) to write a book about Leadership and Business. It's titled Get out of your own way: How High Impact Leaders take the wheel and drive the HI Way to wherever they want to get to. It's been quite a revealing ride, and now that I am writing the last chapter and conclusion I thought I'd scratch my itch for reconnecting with you. I've missed you, sniff sniff, really I have.

But my catalyst to write today has nothing to do with a new business book. It has everything to do with my flood of emotions over the last few weeks.

If you are not aware of the recent flood in Nashville you 1) are living under a large rock, 2) have joined the Tea Party, 3) ran out of your meds or 4) are so distracted by what will happen to Jack Bauer in Sunday's final episode of 24 that you have disconnected from reality.

The flood's devastation is staggering, beyond anything I can write and capture on camera. I came face-to-face with the real impact of a catastrophe (like I had only experienced on newscasts about Katrina) last week when Lynn, Spencer and his friend Anthony, Bentley and I joined the hundreds of people who unselfishly appeared in a Bordeaux neighborhood. This classic Nashville residential community was one of the city's most water-ravaged; some homes were submerged to their roof.

The assignment we were given was clear: "We are going to walk up to homes and tell people that we are here to do whatever we can do to help them save their possessions, remove sheet-rock, tear out floors, remove debris and anything else to help them to move toward reclaiming their lives.

By the end of the day the streets were lined with furniture, carpets, floorboards, appliances, light fixtures; the stuff of their lives that was now just garbage for a landfill. But all surrounding the molding debris were the torrent of people streaming in from every direction and washing over strangers' lives with the kind of sacrificial love that busts through the dams of disdain and indifference, spilling hope-filled colors palette of compassion.

The stuff of their lives and homes, now reduced to mold-covered refuse and stud-bared skeletons, were being replaced with the furnishings from strangers who were there to help fill the emptiness...just because. Our faces were masked and our eyes goggled, but our hearts fully exposed.

There was little dialogue. Everything needing to be said was exchanged in narratives; the ink of sweat, soil, nods of acknowledgment and passing hugs.

And then our day came to an end. We loaded the tools into the back of the car. We drove slowly out of the neighborhood and headed home. Filthy. Sore. Tired.

There was no conversation.


Just before reaching the highway, off to our left were huge piles of garbage, the debris from the surrounding community. Lynn reached for her camera as we raced past, craning our heads back to catch one more glimpse before the reality of our experience was reduced to the ongoing newscasts.

Our junk is still amidst the heaps of trash we left behind, for the treasures we brought home.

(b)

"Coming down from the mountain." (Visiting Utah in Oregon, February 2010)

I just returned from a week in Oregon visiting Victoria, Rick and my new five-month-old grandson, Utah Cohen Sewing. I was there to work on a new book, think about this season in my life and spend quality time with my family. It was perfect in every way imaginable. And it triggered the memory from a moment about a year ago that reflects the power of High Impact Leadership better than the business concepts from my book.

The time was 9:04 PM when I heard the faint chimes and saw the glow and name on my iPhone: “Victoria Sewing.” I was in the middle of the first gathering of the StoneAgers; a group of nine men from Living Stones (www.livingstonescov.org) who accepted the invitation to join me and Bentley for a movie, snacks and conversation. We were watching Miracle, the film about the “miracle on ice” when the 1980 U.S.A. hockey team, coached by the late (great) Herb Brooks, defeated the “unbeatable” Russian team.

This is the #1 film I have used in my 100+ ideation/vision-casting sessions; the quintessential testimony to the concepts of Individual and team character in pursuit of an impossible dream.

“Hi sweetie.”

“Hi, Dad. Are you OK? Why are you speaking so quietly?”

“I’m actually in a meeting with a group of men and we’re watching a movie. Can I call you back later when it is over?”

“Sure…and by the way, it’s a boy!”

“Oh my gosh. A boy. Victoria, that is wonderful news. I am so happy for you both. Such a blessing.”

The next moments shattered a shower of celluloid memories:

· I remembered my notes as a small boy; leaving messages scattered throughout the house at night for my parents to find when they'd arrive home late at night; I would fall asleep in the feathers of their joyful discoveries;

· I remembered climbing Boulder’s foothills, sitting on a ledge with a six-year-old boy named John whose eyes blazed cobalt, stolen from the Colorado sky. We dreamed of all the undiscovered lands past the horizon. He is the man who is now “daddy” to my four-year-old grandson Kinley;

· I remembered losing our first child: stillborn in pre-term;

· I remembered the moment Victoria came into the world and was tenderly offered into my arms - her new life sheathed in the nectar of countless tomorrows;

· I remembered the picture of my Dad holding me high into the air when I was two-years-old. I still carry the tickle of that moment in my belly.

Before beginning the movie with the guys, I asked them the following questions to consider while watching the film:

1. What defines us as men?

2. What defines a great team?

3. What defines a great moment?

4. What defines a great opportunity?

5. How do you know when it’s your time?

So what? As leaders, followers, seekers, teachers and learners:

1. Braveheart, Band of Brothers (a must see), First Knight and Lord of the Rings are logical and socially promoted images of manhood. And John Eldridge’s wonderful book, Wild at Heart, and Dan B. Allander’s Leading with a Limp offer complementary perspectives that round out the “hunt, smash, bleed and kill a dragon” image us guys love. They both remind us that it is not only acceptable, but essential to embrace your meekness and sensitivity in expressing your full man-ness. I, for one, admit that I am very comfortable with my feminine side – c’mon guys, admit that you watched and loved Sleepless in Seattle. Any question about the masculinity of C.S. Lewis, Rembrandt, Ghandi, Moses or Jesus?

2. At some point it would be good to remember, as Herb Brooks so aptly reminds his fragmented hockey team, that “You’d better figure out that the name on the front of your jersey is a hell of a lot more important than the name on the back.” If you are playing life’s game for your ends and outcomes only, consider the following: there is no way that any one of us can or will be better, smarter, more talented, more efficient and more effective than all of us together. No way, no how. Sure, it’s tempting to think that you are Superman; but remember that even he had Jimmy and Lois on the front lines to offset the blue tights thing;

3. “Great moments are born from great opportunities.” It matters little what position you play right now. There will be a time, sooner or later, that your great moment will open before you like the sapphire pathway up Mt. Sinai that God revealed to Moses after the food and fireworks show with the seventy elders (Exodus 24:9-11). Being fully present where you are and within what you are doing right now offers you a great opportunity to experience the fullness of this great moment; your moment to do it right, now. That takes a Brave Heart.

4. Read #3 again.

5. The time is there; it’s yours for the taking. Years ago one of the wise men in my life commented to my lamenting over the lack of respect from colleagues who were supposed to be taking direction from me. His comment still pierces today: “Brian, you must learn that power is never given to anyone; it is taken.” Take a moment. Take the time. Take the lead. Take the team. Take the mountain. This is your time. Take it.

Woman or man. Coach or player. It doesn't matter. What matters most is realizing that this very moment can begin the greatest moments of your life, if you take the time. High Impact time, leadership and success is never given; it's taken. Stop dwelling in the illusion of waiting for some "spare time" to do that thing you know in your heart and soul will make a difference. It's not coming. Start right now. Take "part" of your time to step out and take what is yours for the taking. It can and will make all the difference in the world.

Embraced in the brackets.

(b)

*FOOTNOTE:

It was my time; I didn’t take it. It is far easier, and often more painful, to look back at a seemingly innocent moment in our past that held the promise of riches beyond measure…and we let slip through our fingers. I leave you with one that I remember when my children were very young and I was absent a lot while “working hard to provide them the good life.”

I was on a business trip with a brief airport stop in Dallas. This was at a time when you still could come to the gate to meet a passenger; I invited my parents to come by so we could visit between flights. I hadn't seen them in a log time. We embraced, caught up, laughed and suddenly the time tapped its weary finger on my shoulder; it was time to board. We hugged again, and when I separated from my Dad’s embrace I saw something in his eyes; a longing and wish for more time. He was a traveling salesman and was absent a lot when I was a kid.

When I neared the end of the jet-way, I turned back and noticed their tear-swollen eyes. And then the moment was gone.

My father died eight years ago. He’s gone. I wish I had taken more time.

I remembered the picture of my Dad holding me high into the air when I was two-years-old. I still carry the tickle of that moment in my belly.

“This is your time. Now go out and take it.” Herb Brooks